The Review is an essential tool for helping kids learn from difficult behavior incidents. The focus is on asking the child questions that help expand their self-awareness, as well as, increase their sense of accountability—all of which lead to emotional and behavioral maturity. Print and post this on your wall or fridge so you can reference it when it’s time to talk about difficult moments.
Spend a few minutes covering the following questions after a behavior episode (after all parties have calmed down). To get the most participation, use a motivator (incentive or consequence) and have the child do as much of the talking/problem-solving as they can.
1. Remember when…? Help your child recall the situation.
2. What were you feeling? Validate, or let them know you understand their feelings.
3. What did you do with that feeling? (i.e. hit, scream, run away, etc.).
4. Was that the best way to express that feeling? (Help them self-evaluate).
5. How could you express that feeling in a better way? (e.g. tell the person how you feel, take a break & count to 10, walk away, get help from an adult, etc.).
6. Re-play the situation. Have your child practice role-playing with you how to respond to the situation with words and good decisions.
7. What will you do next time? Have the child plan for the emotional/behavioral choices they will make next time they are in this kind of situation.
8. Repair (Have your child apologize, make amends etc., if necessary).
9. Discuss consequences. (Make sure to reduce consequences if your child has put good effort into participating in the Review).
10. If your child feels bad about the incident, help him or her practice self-forgiveness and move on.
For much more information on The Review, see Chapter 7 in Noah’s book, Better Behavior: Helping Kids Create Change and Improve Relationships.